In a blur...

I am sad. I am hurt. I am trying to move on.

It has been my struggle for the past few months- trying to come to a decision and see what will be good for me. You see, I fell in love so bad, didn't realize that it was pulling me down to the point that I no longer know what I'm doing. All I ever think about was to make him happy. Or to make sure that I put a smile on his face. Or to make sure that he doesn't feel lonely.


I did realize from time to time that this is no longer healthy for me - to be just focused on making the other person happy. I saw myself questioning everything that I'm doing and asking myself if everything was worth it. The answer was always NO, my mind was screaming NO, yet, my heart wanted to be with him. It went on and on.


I *am* happy when I'm with him, but he never made me feel appreciated or loved or made me feel that he deserved everything that I'm doing for him. Maybe he did, but he never told me how he felt for me. Everything was a blur.


I miss him, so bad. And yet, I know I have to stay away from him so we can both think clearly - and so he will know what he really wants.


Should stop now before I get too emotional.


*sigh*


I hope I make it.